I used to be. My life's goal was to never get attached. Never get my heart broken. Actually..never to have a heart to break. I vowed against love. Against all that stuff that the songs were made of. This was all emotion. Physical..never afraid. Perhaps that too was not so well..but eh. I dunno whether or not I wanted to be different..Or because I was such an Aquarius. I suppose..all of that was up till I met Slava. Sure..I didn't understand what I was feeling when we were together. We were around 14. How could I? But when I lost him (early frosh year-middlelate soph) I realized that what I experienced was heartache. Sure it was slight. It was horrible nonetheless. It was nothing like the second time though..
I mean now. Now, even though that second time he broke up with me was the worst, absolute worst pain I had ever experienced (still now do I feel it)..I'm not scared anymore. I'm madly in love..and I can't help it.
So I was scared. A fear that stemmed perhaps from my father leaving? Not too sure. But all relationships would not go over a matter of months. All friendships would reformat periodically. Attachment..nope. Can't say I'm not scared now. Sure I am!
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2004-09-05 07:53 am (UTC)I suppose..all of that was up till I met Slava.
Sure..I didn't understand what I was feeling when we were together. We were around 14. How could I? But when I lost him (early frosh year-middlelate soph) I realized that what I experienced was heartache. Sure it was slight. It was horrible nonetheless. It was nothing like the second time though..
I mean now. Now, even though that second time he broke up with me was the worst, absolute worst pain I had ever experienced (still now do I feel it)..I'm not scared anymore.
I'm madly in love..and I can't help it.
So I was scared. A fear that stemmed perhaps from my father leaving? Not too sure. But all relationships would not go over a matter of months. All friendships would reformat periodically. Attachment..nope.
Can't say I'm not scared now. Sure I am!
Ah..love makes us fools.