"Like a graveyard...

My coworkers are discussing various methods of avoiding getting raped, should they end up in jail. The amount of agreement with the sentiment that suicide is preferable to (forced) anal sex disturbs me. "Yeah, I'll be dead, but at least I'll be an ass-virgin."

They also all agree that I would not be able to defend myself in prison.

I was at Packer, visiting my Tae Kwon Do teacher. I knew that he decided to teach school there to supplement his income, though I'm not sure why he didn't go to "Tae Kwon Do High", as I jokingly call Bay Ridge Prep. While there, I went upstairs to see my old writing tutor. The stairs had all their handrails replace with extremely ornate gothic brasswork including many "fiddly bits" and gargoyles. I went to the chapel, which is where my tutor's office was, but her door had been replaced with one of those sliding accordion-style plastic doors (done in 70's-era dark woodgrain style). Instead of my tutor, however, I saw msanborn lazily lounging on the floor (there may have been a thin mattress?). I had clearly just woken her up, and then I woke up and the dream was over.

This is a lovely piece of fried ice cream given to me on my birthday by the lovely waitress at the Thai place we go to at lunch every Thursday.

I filled up the previous message's text box, so I didn't get to talk about yesterday and how awesome it was.

First I got to teach 2 of Howard's classes as he was at the Black Belt summer trip. I really enjoy teaching TKD, so that was fun.

Then I went to my parents' house to celebrate my mom's birthday. But before the dinner, Erin, my youngest brother Nick, and I went to Costco for a small supply run. Small because time was short and small because we couldn't use the car to take the stuff home to Harlem.

After dinner we went out for drinks and s'mores with Bonnie, Rachel, and Jesse. Which was awesome. On the way back to Jesse's place, we stopped at my parents' to grab our stuff. Unfortunately, I didn't get the stuff I left there all week. And now my phone is low on juice. So my phone was off all night and is in airplane mode now.

Below is a very happy sight. NJTransit turns off signal lights when there are no trains around. So it is very nice to see the lights come on at 1130, telling you that you're about to head home.

I just got my mom one of her birthday presents. I think I'll install it tonight so she won't have to deal with it. Also because I'm a cheapskate and got her an open box version. Gotta love Best Buy. I plan to get her some other things, and split it with one of my brothers. Sounds fun, right?

Being on 2nd shift has screwed up a lot of my normal routine. I'm down to 2-3 big meals a day, instead of 5-6 small ones, for instance. I also haven't been posting nearly as much. And I've been lazy at work because there's no support. Whatever, I'll be back on 1st shift next week, and all will be good.

I also picked up 'Foot Fist Way', which was hilarious in theatres and I can't wait to show to Howard and Pat. I think they'll get a kick out of it as the lead does everything wrong.

Please note the melted light. Also note that the light is still on, even after melting its casing.

Yesterday got better as the day went on. I finally got moved off the test I've been troubleshooting for a week, and we got to try a new one, AND quickly found the bug in the test plan that hopefully will allow us to pass it. If it has passed, there's a good chance we won't have to come in this weekend, because we've finished this round of testing. Or maybe we'll pick up another bench's, and hopefully finish that one today. The overtime pay is nice, but I'd like to get to TKD this weekend if I can.

Speaking of, I'm pretty sure I broke my toe yesterday in practice by landing funny during a jump in a form. Stupid carpeted room. I've splinted it because it's all nice and swollen and purple (that's what she said), but it doesn't hurt. I sent in a photo last night, but it hadn't posted by bed. I took some Advil last night to handle some of the swelling. I should do the same at work today.

Seriously, I was trying to get a photo of the drawing outside the train, not the lady reading. Both are nice, of course.

I need to get some extra sleep tonight. My throat really hurts, only on one side, though. Also my typing and tetris are shot. Still, I'll be dumb, and go to dinner w/ the TKD folk before home. And waking up early to leave work early to pack for the Mountains.

Erin has a shirt just like this, but it says Queens instead. I forgive her. She got hers from the Queens Museum of Art. This one I found in the window of Brooklyn Tattoo on Smith Street.

Things have been quite busy lately. But you already knew that. I only worked 7 hours overtime yesterday, so I'm going in .5 hours early at least for today and tomorrow to actually get paid for showing up yesterday. See, in order to get overtime, we need to do at least 8 hours in a week. Of course, as salaried folk, we should count ourselves lucky that we get any overtime pay at all.

Yesterday practice in NJ was nice. It's really convenient versus where I work, so if I'm gonna be stuck in Jersey anyways, I'm glad I can get some practice in.

I don't know much about the NJTransit system, aside from the very small slice I use. It annoys me that I cannot provide the same level of info as I know about the Subway, for instance.

Pat broke his nose a few days ago, and has been taping up his nose per dr's orders. Usually, it's just a boring piece of medical tape, but when you're at Howard's place, there are many battier options.

My eyes have been itchy lately upon waking, which I thought meant I've not been sleeping enough, but now I've started sneezing and having a little congestion. Sounds like allergies to me, then. Not bad enough to warrant a pill yet, but that probably means I'll need them at camp. Which reminds me that I should tell my prof about that so he knows I won't be around for his take-home final. If I need to take my laptop and books up for this, I will be slightly annoyed.

Ha! Since I know my conductor, she told me what track to valet before the TV said which.

I can't believe it's the middle of July already. A little less than a month until I can get ZipCar, and a little over until TKD in the Mountains. And then after that, I can get my tattoo, since my major swim/sun of the year will be done.

Found at the mall next to my work. I often see this truck with one flat tire. I guess that Target doesn't often need their services.

This is a busy TKD week, as I won't be able to go at all next week. Tonight is a demonstration & promotion test in Bay Ridge. Yesterday was the Headmaster's class, and Tuesday was Pat's class. I would've gone to class on Monday, but everyone was in Indiana.

It seems likely that I will be missing my earlier train today. This sucks because a major work project starts today, and I want to get to Bay Ridge as quick as I can.

The hundred pushups program has taken its toll on my pecs today, the day after I started, and my rest day. Figures. And my lower abs, too.

I caught my train!

I've been reading an AskMetaFilter post about life-changing events, and I've decided to try and catalogue some of my own:

• On Religion: Many of the comments in that thread talk to a single moment where a person realized that there was no God. I never had such a revelation because I never believed in one. I intensely realize, however, the moment I became a Discordian (albeit a non-theistic one): I was reading the Illuminatus! Trilogy and I realized that, despite my interest in order which drove me to engineering, science, etc., chaos was equally valuable, and should be respected. Of course, that doesn't mean that everything must be chaos (those who follow the purely Eristic path worry me), however, but instead that chaos has its place, and that creation/destruction is the sides of the Sacred Chao I'd rather worry about. Around this time I met shoujo_mallet and shortly after I met malaul. Taking into these two important people, along with the "Enlightened Nihilism" I picked up from faboo, helped form much of my personal philosophy, such as it is. The fact that there is nothing that I have to do, except die, is something that I needed to learn during the more stressful portions of college, and I still need to remind myself of it often (c.f. my time troubles in an earlier post).
• On Adults Being Wrong: Although often being told to take bullying by not responding and failing, I never considered this bad advice from my parents. The worst was when I was in first grade and I got a math problem wrong. I started crying (I cried a lot in elementary school, now I nearly never do) because my Dad had checked the work, and he should have caught any mistakes. I remember once being upset and loud about it when my mom screamed, "What do you want, my blood?" That shut me up quick and I felt how badly I was hurting her over nothing, simply by complaining. There's one more, and it involves riding back from Rochester with my dad, and talking with him about it a few weeks later that I'm not going to go into here, but a lot of you know this story, and if you're curious, drop me an email or a text.
• On Mental Health: I was sent to a child psychologist twice when I was a kid. I never understood why, until my mom told me as an adult that it was because I was asking about suicide. The question I was asking was about English, actually. It was "What's the penalty for committing suicide?" See, that word, commit I'd only ever heard on TV law shows, committing purjury, committing murder, committing a felony, &c. She said that it was its own punishment, so I asked why anyone would do it then. See, committing murder makes sense, because you get some gain out of it (revenge, or sating a compulsion or something), same thing with stealing, or lying. To be fair, however, I was/am depressed a lot, and I was bullied a lot until about HS.
• On Failure: In college I had a lot of angst about my first withdrawn class. Did this mean I shouldn't go into EE? Was there anything I was good at? I talked with my advisor about how it would look on my transcript, and he said, rightly, that one or two W's is not a bad thing—it shows that you know when to cut and run, and when to ask for help. Making a habit of it, however, is another thing. I never made a habit of it, and here I am.
• On Success: When I earned my First Degree Black Belt back in 2000, I felt an intense sensation of having everywhere to go. I felt that I had so much to learn and now I was able of at least beginning along those paths. It was euphoric. Trivia bit: at every black belt test, your teacher comes up and says a few words about you, and at every one of mine, Howard has used the phrase "gentle giant."
• On Speed: One time I was rushing off the train while I was still working in Chelsea, and the door hit my ankle as it was closing. I can still remember time slowing down and I thought: "I could do this to avoid falling, but if I screw it up, then I'll hurt worse and have more broken electronics on me than if I fall flat correctly." I fell flat, and I'm sure it looked very undignified, but I landed right and had no major injuries. Bonus story: While rollerblading at RIT, I took a turn a little too wide and had to hold my outside skate over the mud to avoid falling. I did OK for a good five feet, but when my wheels sunk in and got stuck in the mud (I had detachable wheels at the time) I did a roll, shoulder to hip, and came out unscathed.
• On girls: This may not be accurate, but I feel I lost a girlfriend (back in college, not anyone I'm currently dating) due to a lack of libido on her part triggered by hormonal birth control. Since then I've been a little quick to assume drugs' influence on others' lives. This pisses off Erin when I jump to such conclusions about her.

OK, that's enough ridiculous introspection for one shirking from work day.

Big question: What would you say was your "life-changing" event? Or perhaps events?