Given the initial question at AskMeFi, however, how does the answering public become so certain that the poster is female and is being told by males to smile?
To reverse the question briefly, under what circumstances would Joe Average, common man walkin' down the street, be told to smile, why such a frown, c'mon cheer up? From what I've seen, heard, and read, there is the slightest possible chance in hell that a male would receive that sort of question, and I only indicate there's any chance at all because I can't be 100% certain it's never happened.
In sharp contrast, I receive that question about... one in five, one in ten times I'm walking down the street, controlling for duration (at least 3 minutes) and time of day (midday, which ensures an average street-enpeopledness). And it pisses me the fuck off, because if it was just a "Come, let us brighten the overall human tapestry!" thing, why don't men get the question as much fucking ever*? Why do women get told to smile, as though it's not permitted for us to not want to smile?
I've asked "Why?" sometimes, and the usual answers involve "You probably have a pretty smile" or "You should be smiling! It's a lovely day!" or whateverthefuck. Tell the businessman behind me the same thing, and I'll be slightly more inclined to listen, damn you.
I wish my pissed-offedness were due to me being more feministy as time goes by, but no, this has always pissed me off. Grr. (And to clarify, my pissed-off is in general, and not you-directed.)
(* My desire to not be extremist drops alarmingly when I'm pissed.)
[indicating attractiveness without being creepy]
The "looking" charges strikes me as a trifle excessive. Well-written stalking laws would suffice, but I don't know the situation well enough.
Wrt the diff between creepy and not, it's hard to explain in text, since a lot of it is body language. I'm comfortable when the compliment-payer (a) pays attention to my body language (if I'm giving off signals of "Thanks, end message", then take a damn hint, frex) and (b) doesn't carry the weird-ass assumption that by paying me a compliment, we've created A Bond.
It's also very helpful if the compliment is in some sort of context. It's not necessary - I've been randomly told that I'm pretty, and it's been fine - but it's helpful.
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-09 11:52 pm (UTC)To reverse the question briefly, under what circumstances would Joe Average, common man walkin' down the street, be told to smile, why such a frown, c'mon cheer up? From what I've seen, heard, and read, there is the slightest possible chance in hell that a male would receive that sort of question, and I only indicate there's any chance at all because I can't be 100% certain it's never happened.
In sharp contrast, I receive that question about... one in five, one in ten times I'm walking down the street, controlling for duration (at least 3 minutes) and time of day (midday, which ensures an average street-enpeopledness). And it pisses me the fuck off, because if it was just a "Come, let us brighten the overall human tapestry!" thing, why don't men get the question
as muchfucking ever*? Why do women get told to smile, as though it's not permitted for us to not want to smile?I've asked "Why?" sometimes, and the usual answers involve "You probably have a pretty smile" or "You should be smiling! It's a lovely day!" or whateverthefuck. Tell the businessman behind me the same thing, and I'll be slightly more inclined to listen, damn you.
I wish my pissed-offedness were due to me being more feministy as time goes by, but no, this has always pissed me off. Grr. (And to clarify, my pissed-off is in general, and not you-directed.)
(* My desire to not be extremist drops alarmingly when I'm pissed.)
[indicating attractiveness without being creepy]
The "looking" charges strikes me as a trifle excessive. Well-written stalking laws would suffice, but I don't know the situation well enough.
Wrt the diff between creepy and not, it's hard to explain in text, since a lot of it is body language. I'm comfortable when the compliment-payer (a) pays attention to my body language (if I'm giving off signals of "Thanks, end message", then take a damn hint, frex) and (b) doesn't carry the weird-ass assumption that by paying me a compliment, we've created A Bond.
It's also very helpful if the compliment is in some sort of context. It's not necessary - I've been randomly told that I'm pretty, and it's been fine - but it's helpful.