MY<DSMBR

[xoder]

This is my December
This is my snow-covered tree
This is me pretending
This is all I need

Linkin Park - MY<DSMBR

So, yeah. Went to the dermatologist. He injected me with stuff. So many needles into one small spot on my head made me very nearly pass out.

So its official, the mountains trip starts on Sunday. Ergo, I get one more day of pay than I was expecting. Also, I get one more day to work on the room. In theory.

www.youdamnkid.com >-- very addictive.

I skipped the staff party. Why? Many reasons. First, I was tired and ill feeling. Still not feeling too great, but whatever. Second, it sounded like the only activity was going to be drinking. And we all know how I feel about drunk people around me (they were considering having me as the "Designated Lifeguard" so they could swim, until they heard that Sal never allowed swimming at the staff parties). I mean, I never really connected fully with any of them. They all are so much... I guess the word is worldly than I. But then again, some of the things that they've found in this world, I don't neccesarily want or have. Like Roxie. She's never satisfied with any guy she finds for any longer than 3 wks. (That I couldn't have, nor would I want.)

And I'd give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to

ibid.

And at some point, I should start work on my Reporter assignment.

12-3 at work tomorrow. Must use time wisely.

So tired/hot/icky/dissapointed in my inhumanity. I don't want what others want, or at least not in the ways they do. And even if I do want it, I don't want anything enough to compromise my insane and inhuman principles to get it. Life is full of comprimises, and I state my ultimatum, but allow the other's ultimatum to stand, rather than mine. Fuck.

Too fucking hot

PETER

Comments

[ellf.livejournal.com]

They all are so much... I guess the word is worldly than I. But then again, some of the things that they've found in this world, I don't neccesarily want or have.

That's not so odd, Peter. Worldly people are fixated on something that they can never hold on to, and has no worth - namely, the world. As Bjork and Thom Yorke say:

Bjork: You haven't seen Elephants, Kings, or Peru...
Thom: To be honest, I've had better to do.
Bjork: And what about China, have you seen the Great Wall?
Thom: All walls are great if the roof doesn't fall.

The hard part is deciding what *does* matter, once you come to the conclusion that most of the world isn't for you. Without a reason to get up - especially a private, personal one - life is shallow. I think that's the hard part of our lives, maybe everyone's life. But finding something you *honestly* care about, and not because someone else says you should, is hard. Most of the saddest people I see are people who've given up on that search, and settled for something easy, or simple, or Shiny.

It sounds like you know that, and you're not into it. Good luck with your search - it's all anyone can give.