Rationalization

[xoder]

The reason for that past outburst:
I suppose I always thought that somewhere along the line, I would do something great for humanity.
Of course, I'm nowhere near bright enough for anything like that. There are 6 billion people on this planet, at at most 20 thousand of them are ijin. I'm not smart enough to make a new device or method thats good. I'm not talented enough to entertain or achieve.
So then maybe, I could eek out an existance, and pretend it matters.
But I can't lie. I refuse to lie to myself that much. And I know that I will make a bad genetic parent, so yeah.

I don't matter.
Let me be

Comments

very astute.

[faboo.livejournal.com]

yup, you don't matter. not at all. and now that you've realized that, you can go about life doing what ever you damn well please and enjoy every passing second.
next, realize that not only do you not matter, but _no_one_ matters. more over, _nothing_ matters. then, and only then (all right, that's a bit conceited, but what can you do), are you truly free. to think, to live, and to love.

it's difficult to pound that into your head. I know, I work at everyday. but the freedom to be, do, and think whatever I feel is appropriate will be truly wonderful.

cheer up hun

[(Anonymous)]

i love you peter :::mwahz:::

--v

[atroposmoirae.livejournal.com]

In my opinion, everyone that touches someone else's life, in some way, matters. And everyone affects someone else in some fashion.

You do matter...try to make the most of it. [hugs]

[ellf.livejournal.com]

Let's say that Peter doesn't matter a whit. I'd be willing to support such a theory - no offense. You're completely right, there's no *reason* to haul your ass out of bed in the morning. Doing so is probably just going to result in a sunburn and depression.

"It's engage or sit around and play video games. For some reason we're built so
that disengaging makes us feel worse. I guess we're supposed to look busy." -James O'Brien

Albert Camus ("Cam-ooo") (french writer I dig) spent most of his life on that idea. He contends that life is fundamentally absurd - you spend X number of years pursuing goals that don't fucking matter, only to die. Huzzah! The twist is that Camus *glorified* this - he argued that man must spend every day struggling against his own inertia to find a subjective> reason to be alive - someting that makes you personally feel decent about not staying in bed.

Steven King, of all people, condensed Camus very well in The Shawshank Redemption: "Get busy living, or get busy dying." Go figure, Peter.

In my experience, most of the unhappy people - fuck that, *all* of the unhappy people - I've met are unhappy because they were busy dying. They tried to hide it with cars, houses, materialism, love, and other nonsense - things that aren't bad in themselves, but don't offer anything more than distraction. I do it, you probably do it, faboo probably does it, too. The effort is putting your fluff into its place, and trying to find something that makes you groove.

Good luck, Peter. You're at a cusp, it sounds like - learn and grow from it.